How to Get over a Breakup like a Boss

07/08/2019

"When you love yourself, you do not tolerate things/people who don't! "

Going through a breakup can be extremely difficult. You fall in love with a person, share memories with them, become vulnerable, and then all of that is thrown away when you split up. Additionally, you may feel hopeless, like you'll never find love again, but I am here to tell you that none of that is true! Couples break up for many reasons. Sometimes things simply just don't work out, infidelity may be an issue, or maybe the split was due to practical reasons or wrong timing. Whatever the case is, you still have to move on with your life and get over that breakup and I am here to help!

Allow Yourself to Feel the Pain

Please do not be that cocky, egotistical person who pretends to not be hurt. YOU ARE HURTING and that is okay! Breakups hurt. You share special moments with a person and dedicated much of your time into that relationship, so you will go through some pain. But it is essential that you allow yourself to feel that pain and grieve. Cry it out, scream, get that tub of ice cream, binge watch your favorite series on Netflix; whatever will help you feel better at the moment, DO IT! Feeling the pain and accepting what happened will give you a clear headspace without holding onto bitterness.

But please do not engage in destructive behaviors. It may be tempting to go out for a night of drinking and getting a random hookup, but this will only make it worse on you. Using emotion-focused coping strategies are unhealthy because you are not solving the real problem, so please do not do anything you may regret!

DO NOT Contact Them & Be Sure to Block Them from EVERYTHING!

It may be tempting to contact your former lover after you have broken up, but you really shouldn't. Oftentimes, we are reacting out of emotion. Both parties need time to process what happened. It is best if you do not contact them for at least three months, and if you still feel the need to speak with them after that time, then you can be the judge of that situation and try to reach out to them. Usually after three months, some people are ready to officially move on. To avoid the temptation of contacting them, be sure to block them from your phone and all social networks.

DO NOT and I repeat, DO NOT stalk them on social media. Yes, it may be tempting to check on them and see what they are doing without you, but ultimately, it is not your business! It is normal to check on them a few times, but do not make it part of your routine, which is why blocking is essential. If you block them, then you can't even see what they are doing! Also, peeping all of their activities is only making the moving on process longer for you, so who's really suffering here? Block them, don't contact them, and just move on.

Refocus your Focus & Get Active!

When you are in a relationship, it is easy to get caught up in romance and disregard your own personal goals. Being newly single is the perfect time to regain your focus and start achieving those goals! Have you always wanted to build your own website but got distracted? Now you can! Go take that solo trip, visit that restaurant you always wanted to try, and read that book! The key here is just to focus on YOU.

Furthermore, one of the best ways to overcome a breakup is to get moving! Go to the gym and lift some weights. Exercising releases serotonin and dopamine in the brain, which are chemical messages responsible for happiness and stress-relief. Not only does working out make you feel good, but you also look great! And there is nothing like looking and feeling good about yourself.

Take Care of Yourself & Boost Your Self-Esteem

I know you are tired of hearing this, but self-care is important for your well-being. You must take care of yourself before you can care for anyone else. With that being said, do what makes you feel good. Whether that's getting your hair done, nails done, massages, reading etc. just do what helps you. Breakups are a vulnerable time for us, so it is paramount that we handle ourselves gently with care.

Be sure to affirm positive messages to yourself and look your best. When I go through rough breakups, I typically look in the mirror and remind myself of how beautiful I am and that I am worthy of finding love. I also wrote post-it notes with positive messages and put them around my room and read the notes daily. These start to become subliminal messages, but they will help you! You will unconsciously start feeling better about yourself and you will one day wake up and realize that you are no longer upset about that breakup. Lastly, having a high self-esteem and self-worth will help you be more wary about who you let in your life. When you love yourself, you do not tolerate things/people who don't!

Understand that Relationships are NOT Permanent & Not Always Meant to be

This may sound harsh, but nothing is permanent. Think about it. You have a car now, but after a few years and many miles, it will not be functional and you will have to purchase a new one. And this is analogous with relationships. Some relationships run their course and its time to find someone new, and that is okay! When experiencing a breakup, you might feel like the person was the one or that it was going to last forever, but take this time to understand that not all relationships are meant to be. Remember, you broke up for a reason, it may be difficult to see why at the moment, but one day you will realize that you two were better off without each other. Yes, you will feel better again. Yes, you will find love again. Yes, you will get over them and not even think about them. Just be patient. Breakups are a process, but you can do this! Now, go indulge in some self-care with your beautiful self and stop thinking about them so much! You have a whole life ahead of you, go enjoy it!